She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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