i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
a search helicopter?!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
