wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
