hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
