Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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