Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
