Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
