Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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