he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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