Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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