Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
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I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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