also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
