So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
