At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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