Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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