He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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