So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he thought i was a dude.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
