it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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