Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
