and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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