I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
