bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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