So drunk its hurt
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I am one with the molecules
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
