i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
