This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
