Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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