I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
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Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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