wrigley field is MILF paradise
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
someone owes me an orgasm
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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