dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
