WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
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What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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