Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
