I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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