a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
