I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
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Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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