So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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