Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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