We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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