Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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