Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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