Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
