How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
