my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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