A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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