we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
