If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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