Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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