i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
