My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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