took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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