Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
