she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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