By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
