I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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