It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
