Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
